A current frustration

It has been 6 days since my last post, and all though I have been thinking through so much right now I can't seem to write.
How frustrating.

Frustration seems to be my life story right now.
People can't wait until they are 18. I know I couldn't wait. Now that I am, I must admit I am really disappointed.
Almost everyone I know seems to be going back on their word, or completely changing into something ugly.
It is getting to where I can't tell anyone about anything I do or I will get in some sort of drama with somebody. Either I was with the wrong people, or I did the wrong thing, or I was awful for not inviting someone even though they dislike all the people I was with. No body sees anything wrong with what they do, but apparently I can't do anything right.

A huge annoyance right now is from the observation that people are so arrogant. It is one of the most annoying things I have seen since being back in the states. Everyone thinks that they know so much more than everyone else. They think they know better than you about how you should live your life and do things, even though they themselves are falling apart.
Why do we not realize the problem. People are so insanely hypocritical that I can't even stand it.
It is really sad that someone should have to be someones friend in order to avoid the drama that they would create.
(chances are I will have someone get mad at me for this post even. Even thought this is aimed at no one in particular)
Can we not see what we are becoming as a people? We create drama if we think that we aren't getting the exact attention we think we deserve.
We have such low self esteem and self confidence that we don't even know what to do with ourselves. Someone hits a nerve at all and we freak out. We tell all of our "BFF's" to stop talking to them. We plot anyway to get back at this person for some time after.

Lately I have gone to a great deal of gathering and "parties" and I have just sat back and watched. I can't even believe what I see. It is unbelievably. People are all fake to each other and pretend that they actually care when it is really obvious that they don't. People will create drama just to create drama. They will open one person's ("friend's") old wounds in an attempt to make their best friend look bad, or really for no reason. They will try to justify anything no matter how down right malicious and mean it is. I even saw a gossip session take place not 5 steps away from me the other day. Are we 12 year old girls again?

Are we that bored? Can we find nothing better to do? No wonder nobody seems to know who they are anymore. Everyone is too busy trying to be something and somebody that they completely miss it all. They totally miss what it is that will make them who they are. What it is that will develop character in them. I'm so tired of it.

We are becoming completely uninteresting as people in general. Whose fault do you think that is? It's ours. When we choose to waste our time instead of doing something productive. When we choose to not doing something because it seems too hard. It's pathetic.

I have been so frustrated the last 6 months or so. I have been fatigued or sick almost non stop, and if I'm not tired out of my mind then I have a headache. I hate not being able to do anything because I am too tired. I want to read and finish up schooling, and draw and paint, and play my mandolin. What makes things worse is when I see or hear about people doing absolutely nothing with themselves even though they feel totally fine and have bounds of energy. I envy them.




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I guess that is all for now. I am going to bed.
I don't want to get any response from people being mad about me for what I said.
If you don't think this applies to you then great for you.
If it hurts then maybe you should think about it.
Don't get mad at me if I hit a nerve, get mad at your nerves.