"Why were we at the lake house, and why did you have his pasta and camera?"

I cannot believe how stuck on this I am. I have been stuck on it for years, and I finally thought I was done. I just can't help but feel that the end is not now. That it will be a lasting thing. The only thing more unnerving than not knowing is thinking you know but not being sure. It doesn't help that I can't get away from it. It gets brought up all the time. I am truly fine, I don't feel hurt or wanting. I feel great, but I don't want to be stuck on this anymore.





after watching the movie "ONCE" on Sunday night with Amber and Josh and now listening to the Swell Season I have really been wanting to go to Ireland. It is such a magical place. Im just sad I was as fatigued as I was when I went last year.


Just checked my final grades. Somehow managed an A in Human Bio and Lab, as well as in Psychology. I thought I would be getting a B at best in Psychology considering I really didn't put much effort into it, and on my final I skipped the 2 essay questions I was supposed to do. I can't believe is. In Math I got a B..... I thought I was going to have an A for sure in that class, I help on to an A for most of the semester. I was sad to lose it in the end.

So I am getting more and more confirmation that God really wants me in the mission field. I have had so many opportunity presented and so many connections made. Last time I was in Wisconsin my old youth pastor and I were talking and I was telling her about what God had been doing in my life and about missions work and such, and she invited me to go to Ghana with her next year. She goes and teaches at a bible school there. Then last night some of my friends threw me a surprise party, (Totally surprised still, best thing ever!) My friend Anthony was there, his dad works in Rwanda. Anthony was like "If you ever want to go to Rwanda let me know" I was like "umm yes please! I totally want to go." Then he asked me what I wanted to do there. I just blurted out "I want to pray for people." haha
I'm so excited about what God is doing, you have no idea. I love seeing God work. It's as simple as humbling yourself to accept His love and he lavishes it on you. So great.
I got prayer for my knee yesterday at church. Right after the bruising started getting lighter and the swelling began to go down. It is not all the way better, but it is much better! I am so happy about God's love! It's beautiful!

confused rambling, sorry if it makes no sense

Finally have the clearance I need to leave this place and not regret anything. There have been some things that I have been waiting to have pan out. Finally things are making sense kind of.
I have patched a relationship that ended badly, and I now know that I need not worry about a certain person anymore.

It's really something when you finally see how un-original somebody is.


I finally feel like I can leave without hesitation. It was interesting, I was talking with a good guy friend of mine last night and I told him that I was leaving for school in the fall and he said "yeah you need to get out of here." I found that interesting considering I have only lived in the area for 4 years. People spend their entire lives in one area and here I am only 4 years in an area and I need to get out. Hmmm. I take that as confirmation. I'm ready to have one heck of a summer and then go away with God. He is the only stable things in my life, the only thing that never runs out, He is everlasting.

Officially done with school for the summer. I won't be stepping foot on this campus for at least a year. I am more than happy. I was going to take french but I think that may be a terrible idea. Instead I'm hoping to work another job along with the Y and make many memories with my good friends.

in case you are wondering about the status of my knee I took some pics a little while ago. I thought I would share. My mom is going to call the Dr. tomorrow about an appointment. I also have finals this week. I have all the time in the world to study seeing as how I can do nothing but lay around all day.

2 days before my birthday! The irony of my life

So I did it again. I dis located my knee cap. I did it at work this time, trying to do a skill that is so simple. I landed wrong and popped my knee cap out of place. This time was worse though because I rolled onto my back and looked at my knee and through my pants I saw that my knee cap was pushed to the side, so I hit it on the side to pop it into place. I then had to finish teaching my class, then a coworker taped to cold packs to it and I taught my last class. By the end of that last class (1 hour) It was so swollen I couldnt walk. I had to limp to the floor sit and wait for the parents and my students to leave so I could look at it. It was huge!! Jenny (my co worker) had to call my parents to come pick me up. Not a tear was shed while I was at work. I dont even think my last class knew I was really hurt. ha! I ended up getting wheeled out of the gym on a wheel chair. I'm now laying in bed. E-mailing my professors about class tomorrow and believing God for a healing so that I can still go to Celtic fest for my birthday this weekend. Wanna see some pics???
My left knee is obviously the one. It is just red from me icing it.

I just wish Jesus would come back already. I am so tired of all the hurt and pain here. It's not so much with me. yes, I have my frustrations and hard stuff but mostly I'm thinking about people I love. People close to me. God gave me this gift you see, and for the longest time when people mentioned it, I hated it! I didn't want it, I didn't like it, I couldn't understand how this is a good gift. Every time someone said "you have such a tender heart, or soft heart." I felt like I was a sissy or something. Tenderness meant weakness in my eyes, but now I am seeing the significance. God gave me a piece of His heart. The piece of His heart that cries when His children cry, and that laughs when His children laugh, His heart breaks when His children's hearts break. I remember thinking I was some sort of emo girl when I was younger. I couldn't understand why I would get so hurt so easily when people around me were hurt. I'm not talking about when people hurt my feelings, that didn't bother me as much. More so when I thought that I was hurting someone else, or when I thought that someone was going to get hurt. I hated and still do hate to see people get hurt. I used to take the blame for people around me so I didn't have to see them get into trouble. It just gets very tiring sometimes. I see these people around me doing things that hurt one another and they can;t even seem to see how badly it is hurting others. I just wish Jesus would come back and take away all this frustration and hurt. I suppose that soft heart that I used to resent is the exact reason that I am going into missions. TO help those who can't help themselves. To take the blame for people who shouldn't have to take any blame. I am resolved to do that even if it means giving my life for it. I just want people to know that Jesus is Love and He will take away all the pain one day, and it is worth fighting for now. yes, there are promises for now and there is absolute greatness in the end also!