I know that it's not Thanksgiving yet, but I must say.

Feeling very grateful for my Grandparents these days.

(Maybe it is the homework I am avoiding that is prompting me to write these words, or maybe not. )
 Growing up  we always lived a distance from them and I was not able to see them often or develop a very close relationship with them. 

I have now been living with my Grandma in her Green bay house and have been able to develop a relationship with her. My grandpa has been around a lot as well and we have had a lot of opportunities to go have small adventures together and have some late night talks about pretty controversial issues.
I am just feeling so grateful for the life lesson they have been teaching me, all of the support they have given me, and especially for all of the ridiculous things they say that make me about fall over laughing.
I don't have words to truly describe how much it means to have this relationship with them at this point in my life.

I am thankful beyond words. 

I am not ashamed to say that I really love my family!

I love that I finally reached a point where I feel comfortable speaking in Spanish. I may not be perfect, but I am no longer afraid to make mistakes. No longer afraid to sound like a whitey! I love this freedom!

In denial

I am not ready to let this week start.
I am trying to hold on to the last moments of tonight.
I don't want to go to bed. I don't want to do tomorrow.
I'm just not ready.

Visa update:
I realized that I did not update you all of visa happenings.
About two weeks ago I recieved a letter in the mail requesting more evidence.
They wanted evidence that would demonstrate the my fiance and I had indeed met in person within the last two years. They also wanted to know a bit more about how we came to the agreement that we would marry.
After days of stressing and gathering, and printing, and copying, I managed to cram A LOT of paperwork into the small envelope that they provided me.
On Memorial Day the letter arrived at its destination.
We are now in the "evidence reviewing" stage.
Hopefully we will hear soon.
Our hope is that he will be here in time for my sister's wedding at the end on June.
Both the bride and groom are fond of my fiance and what him to be a part of the big day.
Ill be honest, I would like to have a dance partner and someone to hold hands with.
I could also enjoy seeing my boy all dressed up.


SO anyways, that is the story.
I think I am writing this more for my benefit than anyone else. If you do read this though, feel free to pray for our situation.
This may sound whiny and selfish, but I'm kind of tired of this long distance engagement, and lets be honest, 6 months apart is too long.

How many times have I opened up my blogger lately in the hopes of writing something?

I am fairly certain that I have done it so many times. 

I have been so busy lately. 

Between my two jobs I am working every night, and I also have school on Tuesday and Thursday morning and into the early afternoon.

When I am not at work or school it is a struggle to find time to do anything other than eat, sleep, shower and do homework.

This last week I managed to get somewhat ahead of my homework. This meant that the assignments I am usually rushing to submit by midnight on Sunday night, was submitted tonight at 10pm. 

What a good feeling.

I also had the chance to go see Shawn Mcdonald playing in the area on Friday night. 

Julia drove up for it. It was wonderful!

Every second of the time I spent with my sister was great and getting to bask in the incredible music that Shawn Mcdonald plays/sings was just the cherry on the sundae.

 So that is just a bit of my life these days. Hopefully it slows down a bit soon.

Dear past Hanna:

Can you believe you still fit in this bridesmaid dress. 

How long has it been? 

6 years maybe?

 7 even??

You still look like a bell.

I'll be kicking myself for this one later I'm sure.

At the moment, I would love more than anything to elope. I can see it now.
I quit my job at Penny's and tell the Y that I need a few months off. (I try to be responsible in my fantasies.)
I fly down to Ecuador. Andres is there waiting at the airport for me.
We take a bus to the beach where I find someone selling sundresses.
I pick out a white one, and adorn my wrists with brightly colored braided bracelets and beaded earrings. We get married on the beach, barefoot, with random strangers as our witnesses.
We eat ceviche at a random street side restaurant. We then spend the rest of the week on the beach just being together. Collecting sea shells. Fighting off the beach salesmen. No stress. No responsibilities. No worries.

I don't know why there are these social expectations when it comes to marriage and weddings.
Like it is expected to be this big scripted ordeal that takes months and months of planning, and it must be stuffed full of "romantic" moments. All the words must be right because heaven forbid you forget to say something during the ceremony and your groom spends the rest of his life feeling the absence of said words.
I will probably kick myself for writing this in the future, but tonight, this is how I am feeling.
I swear, I am so sick of all of the stupid stuff that i keep seeing repinned all over pinterest.
I am so tired of these ideals that are put on this holy pedestal of all that is a "romantic wedding".
I just don't care.
I really don't!
I just want to marry Andres.
I don't even care that much about the dress.
I want to wear sandals, I want it to be a sunny day, and I want to be able to eat macaroni and cheese.
Most importantly I want my family and closest friends to be there laughing and enjoying themselves.

I just don't care that much about the wedding day, I just really care about the life that starts right after the ceremony.
I'm so ready for my love to be here with me. 

Lately I feel myself wanting to do so many things and having so many dreams. 

How can I even find the time in my life to do all of these things?

I couldn't sleep last night. 

I stayed awake thinking about wedding planning

and how to make sure that Andres's parents are taken care of before and after the wedding.

I am really not looking forward to working 8 1/2 hours at Penny's tomorrow. 

I also do not have Sunday off even though I requested to have my schedule changed so that I would have Sunday mornings off for church. 

My church here is wonderful.

I have gone twice and already feel so at home. 

The people at the church are so real and many of them have a situation similar to Andres and I.

Many bi-cultural marriages. 

Many Spanish/ English speakers.

People who don't care about looking like the "perfect christian" on the outside, but rather are real about being imperfect, but are even more real about loving Jesus. 

I also really am not a fan of April Fools Day.

Last night one of the Level 8 gymnasts was like "this is my last practice. I'm ready to be done with gymnastics." I was just thinking like "That's to bad, but If that is what you really want, I can understand."
Then someone posts on a LOTR facebook page that Peter Jackson just got permission to start working on the Silmarillion. I about had a heart attack I was so excited! 

Both stories ended up being a April Fools joke. 

The latter made me plot terrible things for the creator of that sick joke.

Some things are sacred, and LOTR is one of those things.

Anyways.

This song is pretty sad, but I love it!